well spent the day with friends watching the Daytona 500 also found out today that i am probably not going to be working the Nascar truck race at Mosport. since i am a medic i will not be needed as per the fire chief well i guess thats the way it goes

so i went out for lunch today with a friend from the track, i find myself always going to last year and all the things that happened.

2 weeks ago i had 2 conversations with Stewart , about last year and my actions. I was surprised to hear the extent of the perception and the actions that where spoken about. I was almost kicked off the team due to actions that i took last year that i have already mentioned.
The talk was mostly about things that i did over the last few years, he did say he understood that changes have been made, but that there was more work that needed to be done. I agreed that it is a work in progress, but that when things happen i asked that i be informed at the time or soon after before it becomes an ongoing problem.

I have once again taken the heat for something someone else has done or has told me to do. I hope that some day people will look at all the evidence and talk to those involved or those being accused of something and not jump to the conclusion that what they have been told is the whole  truth , some people just don't take responsibility for their actions. I will no longer keep it to myself, my keeping it in and trying to deal with myself has obviously backfired

i was asked to today what i needed or wanted to accomplish for 2013. It took me all day thinking and this is my answer: 
I have everything I would ever need right now,  I have been blessed to have some great people in my life. As some of you know I have been making some changes in my life. 
Some people have shut me out since I started to make the changes, while some have been great supporters and I appreciate both groups of people.

I wrote a note in Sept about how I felt back then please read the following.

I recently had a conversation with someone who was recently diagnosed with ADD as I was. She told me that she was was concerned about applying for a new job, thinking that it could be detrimental, because, as she pointed out ADHD people sometimes have a bit of a problem with limits. I had to laugh. When I first got diagnosed I told everyone.

 

And it did not go well.

 

A few people were actually dismissive to my face, and I have learned lately some of the nasty things people may have said about me to others. Now I don't know if what I heard was true but I have learned from all of it. true or not

 

Being open and above board has backfired.

 

It has cost me. You certainly don’t have to research very hard to find  stories from people who have been met with hostility, disdain, disbelief or loss of friendships after they told people of their diagnosis . This is very  common, I even know several people who have lied about their ADHD to pursue their dreams of a career. 

 

So, “Who do you tell?” is a big question.

 

For me, the cost of letting the entire freaking world know that I have ADHD has been hard to gauge. Or rather, the negative costs have been hard to gauge. Because as I said, the eye rolling, the snorting , and the snide remarks have happened behind my back. Well mostly.

 

So I’ll never know exactly how much this has cost me. Perhaps the phone stopped ringing so much lately simply because everyone’s lives’ have not slowed down in the past 11 months. Who knows? And to be honest who cares? I could try and figure out who has cut me off, or continues to spread malicious crap, and at this point who cares.

 

I have decided lately to not look back anymore, because if 'I’m not going in that direction.

 

I can tell you the positives, or some of them. I could go on and on about the number of people who have come up and hugged me, thanking me for sharing my story.

 

Being open about my ADHD/ADD has had some negative consequences. It also has had some positive ones.

 

At some point, people will start to believe me that i am a different person now

 

Well I’m trying anyway.

So I would like to say Thank You to everyone

You may not know how but, each one of you has helped me to make all of the changes in my life.